Karoline's Healing Journey

Gifts in Strange Wrapping Paper

I would like to begin by acknowledging all of the “earth angels” (in all their forms) whom I have encountered along the way. Thank you for teaching me through your wisdom, or by helping me to discover my own. 

Each detail of this journey I share with you has significance in terms of where I have been, what I have learned, and how it has led me towards this incredible adventure of healing for myself and others. I share openly so you may find hope that the pain of your past or current situation does not have to play itself out in your future. 

I am passionate about illuminating your path to restoring health and healing in your life. 

Be sure to check out these sub-sections: Dark Night of the Soul, Medicine and Energy, and BioEnergetics 

Who am I:

Passionate about health

Bachelor's Degree - Nursing

I have been, and continue to work, on the leading edge of wellness.  Early in my career I worked as a Nursing Consultant with the largest Canadian medical sales companies - Trudell Medical. I helped to launch "birthing beds" in BC, Alberta and Saskatchewan back in the mid 80's. Having a birthing bed in a hospital is now the norm, but back in the 80s it was a tough sell. The "belief" back then was that it was too dangerous (in comparison to giving birth on a surgical delivery table) because "what if the doctor dropped the baby on the floor" during the delivery. We can look back at that belief now and see how it wasn't based in any truth, or in the patient's well-being, but rather in protecting the norm. 

During my work in Public Health in the mid 90s, I was actively involved in working with coalitions who were advocating for "smoke-free workplaces". It is now the norm pretty well everywhere in North America. Did you know there were over 7,000 published scientific research studies on the harmful effects of second-hand smoke. It only through citizens demanding better, that laws began to change. 

Energy medicine had a profound impact in my life and my health, before I even understood what it was. Although the techniques which i am certified in may be new to you, they are not that new. They are backed by modern science and decades of clinical application and refinement. With these modalities, I am proud to serve on the frontiers of health and well-being. 

Overview of my Health Journey (through a Trauma / Poly Vagal Lens)

New born (1950)

Pre-school (early 60s)

Elementary (60s)

Jr/High School (70s)

Young Adulthood (80s) 

Marriage & Parenting (90s)

Divorced & working 0.8 FTE - working on my nursing degree - single parenting (2000s) 

Chinook Health Region becomes Alberta Health Services (2010s) 

 Childhood: Laying the Foundation

I was the first born of parents who immigrated from Europe. Both had endured hardship and neither one had an education or spoke English. We were definitely on the poor side, but our needs for food and shelter were always met. Dad was self employed as a painter, but I still vividly remember winters where there was no work to do, and the tension and stress with no money coming in.  

We all lived in fear of my dad’s anger and rage. There was a constant message from my mom that we had to behave a certain way so dad wouldn’t get triggered and angry. I learned early on to be a people-pleaser and perfectionist to prove my worth, and the importance of being hypervigilant in an attempt to create safety in my life.

I have a younger brother who received special privileges simply because he was a male. The implied message early on was women were not valued -- this belief still plays out in my life sometimes as not being "deserving" or "worthy". However, my brother was also the recipient of my dad’s rage and as a young child I often witnessed him being beaten – I felt so helpless and lived in fear that someday it could happen to me. I did not appreciate the significance and impact of those early childhood experiences until just a few years ago. It wasn't until recently that I learned that "vicarious trauma" impacts us physically and emotionally. 

I had allergies and eczema, I was anxious and fearful, and a compulsive nail-biter. I had a delicate build and was always the last to be picked for any type of team sports. I was teased for my looks and was painfully shy. I had little confidence and most things in life took a great deal of courage. I mostly believed “I can’t” -- which was a belief that was mirrored to me by my mother.

Even though I did well in school, English was not easy for me. Reading and education were not valued in our home, just hard work. I never imagined being anything other than a housewife.

Living in the Stuckness of Repeating Patterns

My first love was wonderful and sweet, but I had a great deal of difficulty believing a cute guy like that would be attracted to me. Life was starting to feel good! However, at one point he was unfaithful to me. I excused it, for reasons I didn’t understand then, but I do now. In the end, it didn’t work out. I was heartbroken. I escaped to Europe for a year. It was an incredible year and my world expanded in so many lovely ways. This time I cried because I was so sad to see it end.

When I returned I met the man (MI) who I would marry and father my children. I looked up to MI because he was educated and appeared to be a person with high morals – I trusted him. Fortunately, MI encouraged me to pursue an education. That made my father very angry because in his opinion I had to quit a good paying “secure” job in order to do so. A few years later I graduated from nursing school. At the time there few job opportunities for new grads, but it led me down a fascinating career path well outside of traditional front-line nursing.

MI supported my desire for self improvement and personal growth, but it became manipulative. I was treated with disrespect and all manner of put downs under the guise of what he felt I needed to do to be a better person. I tolerated it. When I would try to speak up and defend myself, he was quick to turn it around making it quite clear how it was all my fault.

It was an on and off again dating relationship for 10 years; we couldn’t live with each other, or without. I was approaching 30 and we both wanted to start a family. We mistakenly believed marriage would fix things – that was so naïve. Our toxic relationship continued because I knew how to be that wife who lives in victimhood -- because it had been well role modeled to me.

Our first born child came along 11 months later. She cried inconsolably and wouldn’t sleep – it was hard. According to the experts she was a just a high-needs child. In the years following it was finally understood that the fetus is bathed in the chemical soup composed of the stress hormones the mother is experiencing. A number of months ago that really hit me emotionally, as I reflect on the challenges she has experienced in life. I struggle to forgive myself for unknowingly having put her through that. I try to have compassion for myself, knowing I did the best I could with what I had at the time, but it still breaks my heart.

We had already been living apart for months, and were in the process of legal separation, when baby # 2 was conceived. Instead of joy, I experienced shame and embarrassment. I felt defeated and hopeless and all I could see was how the pregnancy would keep me tied to the emotional prison of my marriage. However, in that experience I discovered a great deal of compassion for the desperation experienced by women of far lesser means when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

When my son was born, I felt love come back into my life – love like I had never know before. As a newborn, he experienced chronic ear infections and received ongoing rounds of antibiotics, which was the standard of medical care back then. Modern medicine did not yet have an understanding of the damage antibiotics cause to the microbiome. Consequently, as an adult he still suffers will asthma and allergies – some of which are life-threatening.

However, that situation led to one of those pivotal days when a friend at church said it looked like he was suffering from an ear infection. Defeated I thought "oh no, not again"! She suggested a chiropractor might be able to help. Initially I was horrified at the thought, but I was desperate. By then, 6 months of antibiotics had not improved the situation at all. But, I swear, with one chiropractic visit the issue was fully resolved because it addressed the “root cause” drainage issue, and not merely the symptom. It has been more than 30 years since then, and he has never had another ear infection – ever! It increased my awareness that modern medicine does not have all of the answers and opened the door to my interest in non-traditional approaches to health, wellness and healing.

My marriage was doomed from early on. We tried marriage counseling, etc. without much success. I was in victim mode, people-pleaser, poor boundaries, and somehow believed that my needs mattered less, or perhaps I didn’t deserve better (to be loved, cared for, protected, …). My inner world was chaotic and I was miserable.

I sought the counsel of a local Church leader who instructed me to stick it out and told me “my reward would be in heaven”. I confided in another church leader (who had a better understanding of the dynamics of our marriage) who told me to “get out of there as fast as you can”. I won’t delve into more details of this relationship to protect my children but would share them privately if helpful to others going through similar experiences.